Waking up one morning in a very broken state of life, I heard God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit agreeing over me saying, “We can rebuild her. We have the tools.” If you grew up when I did, you’d know those are the words to the intro of the weekly sci-fi show “The Six Million Dollar Man” airing 1974-78’. Astronaut Steve Austin was in a spaceship crash and scientists rebuilt him with bionics in surgery, costing six million dollars. I had to pull up the video below. Listen to the words and insert your own name in it.
“Denise Flynn…we can rebuild her…We have the tools…We have the capability… Denise Flynn will be that woman. Better than she was before. Better…Stronger…Faster.”
Don’t you love it! No matter what's going on right now, no matter how broken you are, if you go through it right with God, you will come out healed and better. Lean into God. Use Him for His healing love and power. Know that He wants to love on you and help you. Keep your attitudes toward him and not turning away or lacking trust and hope. Don't become bitter. Be obedient. In doing so, we can count on His promises to rebuild us.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3).
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces
perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5
Yeah, these promises can be yours at the cost and sacrifice of Jesus. Look out for YOU…future Six Million Dollar Man and Woman in process of being rebuilt right now!
Choosing Dates & Mates
Have the types of dates & mates you've chosen through the years changed? If not, you may not have grown spiritually, emotionally or relationally.
A hope is that over the years as we come closer in relationship with Christ, we would become more like him in nature…in our character, transferring over to our actions & treatment of others. A hope is that we would fall more in love with God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit. A hope is that we also would have sought wholeness, healing & deliverance for ourselves. The first does not automatically take care of the last. Sometimes people hold back from further healing due to lack or knowledge of what they’re really carrying or where to receive such help from or having pride not to disclose hurts or hangons to others. We choose better dates & mates much like when we decide to put healthier food into our own bodies, we become a better grocery shopper.
The hope is that after being transformed in those ways ourselves first, we would desire another that has the fruit of Christ & has resolved and received healing from inner wounds, great doubts & behaviors that don’t model Christ. I spoke with a person who was asked “What did your former spouse & people you dated all have in common?” The common denominator lead the person asked to a realization of what trait(s) to avoid upon becoming involved again & to take responsibility to not move forward in that case. The common denominator lead the person to committing to changing themselves to make a better future selection.
If one hasn’t courted/dated in a while, what is the reason? Is it because a male/female hasn’t been found with those qualities? We really do have to be praying for the walk & growth of our brothers & sisters, don’t we? Has one found themselves keeping better company in friendships? Has one’s inner circle become filled with love & strength rather than unnecessary drama, people acting out of the will of God or hurtful people? Those are good signs that a person has reached a deeper maturity in Christ. Is it that one has fallen so much in love with Christ that they feel content with Him alone? That’s great too! So many would love to be able to say that, but haven’t come to that place yet. Contentment is beautiful.
So our goal for ourselves should be to chase God & seek wholeness & healing first & if lead, to pursue or wait to be pursued by another with the same heart & spiritual, emotional & relational health in terms of romantic relationships. Choosing the right relationships saves us hurt & increases our joy.
Ladies, here’s what guys think regarding communicating your initial interest to them.
1) Males don’t like it when you initiate communication with them too often, instead of allowing them to. Whether by text, phone or email, they really want to be the leader and major initiator in this process. Too many invitations to festivities, etc. will come across the same way to them. Make yourself a communication chart if you need to and don’t tell them/him about it to track your steps. This is to have a visible way of keeping yourself accountable, not communicating more frequently than you should with them. Leave some space. You are not to be all dependent on them.
In the story of Ruth, Ruth showed Boaz her interest one time. The rest of the show was left up to Boaz; he took over from there. Ruth didn’t keep hounding Boaz and falling all over him day after day.
One male shared with me, “I want God to show me who my Ruth is, not for her to keep telling me.
And I want to be the leader.
Ruth Chapter 3:
7 When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down. 8 In the middle of the night something startled the man; he turned—and there was a woman lying at his feet!
9 “Who are you?” he asked.
“I am your servant Ruth,” she said. “Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a guardian-redeemer] of our family.”
10 “The Lord bless you, my daughter,” he replied. “This kindness is greater than that which
you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. 11 And now, my daughter, don’t be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All the people of my town know that you are a woman of noble character. 12 Although it is true that I am a guardian-redeemer of our family, there is another who is more closely related than I. 13 Stay here for the night, and in the morning if he wants to do his duty as your guardian-redeemer, good; let him redeem you. But if he is not willing, as surely as the Lord lives I will do it. Lie here until morning.”
Now I must say. To me, Boaz sounded a little nonchalant about the whole thing when he said, “if he (the man who was really first in line to marry Ruth) wants to do his duty as your guardian-redeemer, good; let him redeem you.” Myself, I may have taken Boaz’s response as “He can live without me so easily.” But Ruth and Boaz had their senses, calm and trust about them; and that’s how we should be. If it’s not God, ok. If it’s God, Great!
Boaz took the lead from there and established the status of their relationship.
Further on, I love Naomi even more. Verse 16: “When Ruth came to her mother-in-law, Naomi asked, ‘How did it go, my daughter?’” We’ll always have a Naomi asking us how things went.
Smile. There is nothing new under the sun. Some things will never change. (Ecclesiastes 1:9)
2) As you are getting to know a guy in friendship, don’t joke about them being interested in you or you in them, or make underlying comments about it. That’s considered an overanxious plea--not comical or cute. In the earlier stages of a deeper relationship, don’t be too assertive in your communication either. Don’t make jokes or pokes about marriage.
3) When you see them at a gathering, don’t spend all your time and attention on them there. Spread your company around amongst different huddles.
So how much or long do you communicate with them? How much do you say to them? How much do you ask or share? Take it easy; you’re not interviewing them for a biography all in one sitting.
Picture this object in your mind right now…a fire hydrant hose. If you’ve never seen a fire hose going off, Google it. Imagine your over-communication as having similarity to a fire hose explosion. Don’t power wash the guy(s) with communication like that of the pressure of a fire hose. Don’t blow them away with all that force! Picture that. Instead, let your interest or communication come out through a regular garden hose. A regular garden hose can have a nozzle over the end for controlling the amount and strength of release of the water. Or, instead of a squirting nozzle on the end of the hose, one can just leave the opening of the hose open. Instead of shooting the guy(s) with the power flow of water, let them feel that you are drizzling refreshing water over their legs and feet as you talk with them—not at them. You are sprinkling revitalizing “just enough” words and communication out of your garden hose that will feel cool and invigorating to them. You’ll be the coolest girl leaving them to want and ask for more communication and time with you.
Now…is this male your liking receptive to your communication? Is he asking you questions about yourself too? Is he laughing? Is he looking at you during the conversation? Is he smiling? If the
answers are “yes”, then keep up your work. If the answers are “no”, then shift your eyes and desires off of the man. Always keep your eyes on the Lord primarily.
You can’t make a guy be into you for a friend or more. You can’t drag a guy to you. A man’s real heart and not his momentary emotions are generally drawn to a lady in a gentle and gradual way.
May God give you discernment in hese things. May He give you patience for all areas of your life.
May He become your first "one and only". May you have no other idols. May you know how valuable and special you are.
What makes a man feel comfortable:
~ Obviously, a man feels comfortable with a woman when he feels like he can be himself around you.
~ When he believes the woman has a genuine care and concern about him. But not the kind of care where he feels the woman may have a great romantic interest in him that he cannot return ...this would make him feel uncomfortable instead.
~ When a woman gives him ample time to talk, while you listen to his heart. So become a better patient listener than a talker.
~ Being respected.
~ Being honored.
~ You acknowledging that you like his ideas and what he brings to the table in your relationship, circle of influence and the body of Christ.
~ Before your company commences, setting an atmosphere through prayer and going into the presence of God yourself.
~ During your company, allowing an atmosphere of humor and laughter.
~ Use his name. Most people whether they realize it or not, love to be called by their name in conversations. Think about it from a spiritual aspect as well...God called you by name.
“I have called you by name” (Isaiah 43:1 NLT).
~ Be a balanced and stable woman of emotions. Frequent changing highs and lows rollercoaster rides should only be at the amusement park. This means you are dependent on God and His word to transform you into this beauty.
~ Let him know and prove that you are trustworthy. You are going to keep the personal information and the feelings they share safe, not sharing it with others. A safe place makes it easier for him to open up to you.
~ Have a tender heart.
Generally, people feel most comfortable and free to be their truest selves when they’re around someone who they believe loves them deeply. I have experienced this myself as well. Their best
conversation comes out. Their cutest humor and uniqueness comes out. Their biggest smiles and laughter comes out. This is because they know they’re loved…nothin’ to prove extra. Some may call this a “chemistry”. It’s certainly a chemistry that takes the pressure off.
Well…God loves you…truly. And He’s always around you. So feel free to be your truest self, who He made you to be, how He made you to flow, regardless. No intimidation. Freedom. “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17). Let the “You” flow. Let the blessings flow. You just may be the one who others begin to be themselves around then! Be YOU!
Feel free to be yourself with God too as you talk to Him. Tell Him what your heart wonders. Tell Him what your heart feels. Be comfortable with Him, because He does love you.
10 Steps to healing from a breakup:
1) Do not ruminate (going over and over again about things, events or conversations that transpired good or bad). If you’re going to ruminate about something, think over and over again about all the rooms that are in the mansion Jesus has gone to prepare for you. This will have you thinking on things that are pure, lovely and excellent.
For some time in your mind, you will keep re-experiencing the relationship and the break up by flashbacks and intrusive re-living thoughts. Part of this is normal, but why would you allow yourself to continue to participate in that after awhile?
If you don’t take the reins of your mind, pretty soon…not long…Satan will have you wrapped around his big finger with spiraling negative and controlling thoughts. Then once you’re wrapped around his finger, he’ll point that finger right at you and accuse you for being that way. “Satan loves nothing more than “to cripple you and then put you down for limping” -Adriane Rogers.
Process and power will both play a part in your healing. It’s normal to go through steps of
grief (shock, denial, bargaining, anger and depression). So know that some of what you are feeling or thinking are natural aspects of the breakup or relationship not progressing into something further. But at a certain point in these steps of grief (when you just say, “I am going to get through this victoriously), you will have to draw the line and not give the sadness or emotions power over you. When you get to the point of REFUSAL, you will get to the point of REVIVAL. And the way you will defeat that is by
using the power of Christ to take every thought captive, kicking them out of your mind and replace them with all the truth of God. You can say to the thought, “Did you read the sign? It says “Not Allowed!
Good-bye!” Enter…good thought you chose to put in: “God loves me. I am special. There is a plan for me. I will walk confidently.”
Ask yourself this: How many minutes in an hour do I think about the other person? You may need freedom. You may have just been called to take hold of your freedom.
2) Break off and sever soul ties to the other person (attachments of your mind, will and emotions that are run deep). Pray this: “In the name of Jesus, with all His power, I break off any kind of soul tie of whatever degree, between me and _______. My life, mind, will or emotions are no longer connected to them. I am and will walk freely out of this and into the right relationship God has planned for me. I want only what is truly meant for me and no substitutes.”
Now visualize what you just did. Take a piece of ribbon, rope or chain and cut it in two. Leave the pieces where you can see them for however long you need, to remind you that you are now
unattached and free from the other person. When you re-experience feelings or thoughts, look at the pieces and say, “No! I am separated from that person. There is nothing in existence that binds me. I am free in my mind from that person and I am moving forward.
3) Praise it off. Praise your way through and out of depression, sadness or hopelessness.
Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17 NIV). Get freedom while you’re in praise and go in and get more when you need it again.
4) Start thanking God that it didn’t work out. If the other person were really yours, they wouldn’t have left (think of the story of Ruth clinging to Naomi). The person is not needed in the beautiful, large plan for your life. And God says you have one (“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11). So out loud, thank God for His care. It doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with the other person.
You don’t have to think negatively about them in order to feel better about yourself; just be concerned about yourself at this point. Say “Thank God I’ve been saved from the wrong decision. I’m putting this all in your hands Lord.”
5) Don’t put the other person on a pedestal. It’s easy to make them an idol without even realizing, but check yourself, you probably are. So they were cool, yes they are. They had specific traits and ways you really liked. Purposely open your eyes though and start looking around you. You will see that other people have some of those same traits too. One may have this one and another may have that one, but that’s proof to you that those traits can be found again. There are other cool people too. This should help you get a better cognitive understanding.
6) Forgive the other person. Let yourself out of captivity and torture.
7) Pray this if you feel rejected:
Father, I repent for receiving rejection, even if the parting is not my fault or I feel I didn’t deserve it. I repent. You have proven and say I am so much more than rejected. By the blood that you shed, I am free from this. I will not remain a victim.
I put this rejection back onto you Jesus; for it was for these kinds of things and more that you willingly died for me. Thank you for taking it for me Jesus. I apply your blood to this feeling and whatever has transpired. I have nothing to be ashamed of.
I am free now. Rejection has no more power over me.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
8) Bless the other person in prayer.
9) Write a positive statement about yourself. And know that God multiplies that many times over.
10) Dig into Jesus. Go after a richer relationship with God. He is so desiring of you. He loves you more than anyone else ever could.
I’m typically not a light sleeper; I roll into bed, fall out, get
my rest and am not bothered by much. A month ago I had trouble sleeping for a few nights in a row. One of the reasons was a most ANNOYING, disturbing noise the commode was
making throughout the night. Just when I started to fall asleep, it would make this loud HISSSSSSS noise that would stretch out for about 5 very long seconds. Back to square one…starring at the ceiling was I. I awoke in the morning groggy, irritable and worn out. I didn’t keep my lack of sleep and agony a secret. My friend said, “That’s not normal. There’s something wrong in the tank. The fill valve is broken. Water is filling in the tank when it shouldn’t be. Yeah, that needs replacement.” So I called Maintenance and they replaced the fill valve.
Do the dynamics of this story sound like you? You’re not perfect, but you’re a caring person. You roll with things, you’re easy going and don’t make much into issues? But what about when
something really does bother you? God gave us triggering emotions that sometimes let us know something is wrong and not up to par. Perhaps an example would be when you’re in a relationship and it’s not feeling right or good to you. It’s hurting you. Maybe you feel you’re not treated with honor and respect. Maybe it’s keeping you awake at night; you're losing sleep. Maybe something about the other person or relationship is yelling at you loudly in the face. Maybe something’s not right. The relationship isn't God honoring? Maybe there's a broken part; maybe it’s broke.
Have a heart to heart with God about what to do--repair or replace. Then follow his voice and direction. Make the call. Get your rest.
I never thought I’d be writing about a toilet part and certainly not in relation to relationships.
Are you an analytical person? I am. I’m learning to balance this with prayer and trust. Some of us have a tendency to over think things to get it all right and make sure we are in the perfect will of God before starting things. Wanting to be in the perfect will of God is good! It’s good and brings great benefits! But sometimes if we’ve pondered and pondered something over long
periods of time with some double mindedness, doubt or fear, we may just have to “go down that road” to test the waters. I’ve heard three godly men recently making points to not over think things. I’m inspired by them. It’s all a balance.
We can even over-analyze prospective relationships too much. A relationship expert once shared with a woman who was ambivalent in going forward with a man, “Have fun with this too. Don’t miss the beauty of falling in love by overthinging it .” Yes, be prayerful, wise and cautious. God will stop you before you get to the next city if the relationship is not to be.
“Falling in love” is a many splendored thing too. Enjoy it like you would the scenery along the way to Tennessee--the volumes of lush trees, the grand mountain sides, the beautiful open sky they set
against. Enjoy stretching your legs at the stops along the way for your favorite coffee and snacks—your favorite things you learn about each other. Enjoy even getting a little lost on the drive to Tennessee or getting in a little misunderstanding. Even a slight misunderstanding can be memorable and better when you’re on your way to somewhere good. You’ll pray and watch the signs (right way or wrong way) along the way.
Enjoy falling in love. Don’t miss the bliss of it. Enjoy the ride to Tennessee.
Wisdom & encouragement to share with others!
Denise Flynn writes about Singleness, Relationships, Goal Obtainment & the Christian walk. Order