Ladies, here’s what guys think regarding communicating your initial interest to them.
1) Males don’t like it when you initiate communication with them too often, instead of allowing them to. Whether by text, phone or email, they really want to be the leader and major initiator in this process. Too many invitations to festivities, etc. will come across the same way to them. Make yourself a communication chart if you need to and don’t tell them/him about it to track your steps. This is to have a visible way of keeping yourself accountable, not communicating more frequently than you should with them. Leave some space. You are not to be all dependent on them.
In the story of Ruth, Ruth showed Boaz her interest one time. The rest of the show was left up to Boaz; he took over from there. Ruth didn’t keep hounding Boaz and falling all over him day after day.
One male shared with me, “I want God to show me who my Ruth is, not for her to keep telling me.
And I want to be the leader.
Ruth Chapter 3:
7 When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down. 8 In the middle of the night something startled the man; he turned—and there was a woman lying at his feet!
9 “Who are you?” he asked.
“I am your servant Ruth,” she said. “Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a guardian-redeemer] of our family.”
10 “The Lord bless you, my daughter,” he replied. “This kindness is greater than that which
you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. 11 And now, my daughter, don’t be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All the people of my town know that you are a woman of noble character. 12 Although it is true that I am a guardian-redeemer of our family, there is another who is more closely related than I. 13 Stay here for the night, and in the morning if he wants to do his duty as your guardian-redeemer, good; let him redeem you. But if he is not willing, as surely as the Lord lives I will do it. Lie here until morning.”
Now I must say. To me, Boaz sounded a little nonchalant about the whole thing when he said, “if he (the man who was really first in line to marry Ruth) wants to do his duty as your guardian-redeemer, good; let him redeem you.” Myself, I may have taken Boaz’s response as “He can live without me so easily.” But Ruth and Boaz had their senses, calm and trust about them; and that’s how we should be. If it’s not God, ok. If it’s God, Great!
Boaz took the lead from there and established the status of their relationship.
Further on, I love Naomi even more. Verse 16: “When Ruth came to her mother-in-law, Naomi asked, ‘How did it go, my daughter?’” We’ll always have a Naomi asking us how things went.
Smile. There is nothing new under the sun. Some things will never change. (Ecclesiastes 1:9)
2) As you are getting to know a guy in friendship, don’t joke about them being interested in you or you in them, or make underlying comments about it. That’s considered an overanxious plea--not comical or cute. In the earlier stages of a deeper relationship, don’t be too assertive in your communication either. Don’t make jokes or pokes about marriage.
3) When you see them at a gathering, don’t spend all your time and attention on them there. Spread your company around amongst different huddles.
So how much or long do you communicate with them? How much do you say to them? How much do you ask or share? Take it easy; you’re not interviewing them for a biography all in one sitting.
Picture this object in your mind right now…a fire hydrant hose. If you’ve never seen a fire hose going off, Google it. Imagine your over-communication as having similarity to a fire hose explosion. Don’t power wash the guy(s) with communication like that of the pressure of a fire hose. Don’t blow them away with all that force! Picture that. Instead, let your interest or communication come out through a regular garden hose. A regular garden hose can have a nozzle over the end for controlling the amount and strength of release of the water. Or, instead of a squirting nozzle on the end of the hose, one can just leave the opening of the hose open. Instead of shooting the guy(s) with the power flow of water, let them feel that you are drizzling refreshing water over their legs and feet as you talk with them—not at them. You are sprinkling revitalizing “just enough” words and communication out of your garden hose that will feel cool and invigorating to them. You’ll be the coolest girl leaving them to want and ask for more communication and time with you.
Now…is this male your liking receptive to your communication? Is he asking you questions about yourself too? Is he laughing? Is he looking at you during the conversation? Is he smiling? If the
answers are “yes”, then keep up your work. If the answers are “no”, then shift your eyes and desires off of the man. Always keep your eyes on the Lord primarily.
You can’t make a guy be into you for a friend or more. You can’t drag a guy to you. A man’s real heart and not his momentary emotions are generally drawn to a lady in a gentle and gradual way.
May God give you discernment in hese things. May He give you patience for all areas of your life.
May He become your first "one and only". May you have no other idols. May you know how valuable and special you are.
Wisdom & encouragement to share with others!
Denise Flynn writes about Singleness, Relationships, Goal Obtainment & the Christian walk. Order